


Jack Zimmermann does Thirst Tweets

by ToughPaperRound



Series: Thirst Tweets set [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bisexual Jack Zimmermann, M/M, Mention of Tater - Freeform, NHL Player Jack Zimmermann, Thirst Tweets, brief mention of Shitty, mentions of bitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-23 01:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21311701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/pseuds/ToughPaperRound
Summary: That's it, that's the plot
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Series: Thirst Tweets set [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540669
Comments: 34
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would rather act like a Roman Emperor and lie back whilst someone else reads this *to* you, then please check out the audio file available [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677299/)

"Hallo! Bonjour!

I'm Jack Zimmermann and I'm here at FeedBuzz today to read your... Thirst Tweets…"

Jack reaches into a jar full of small sheets of paper and reads out the first tweet. It is also shown on the screen...

_ @JackZimmermann has soft hands, yup. Amazin' cheekbones, yup, yup. But his ass is for sure the hottest thing the hockey gods have ever crafted. send tweet _

Umm, thanks? I got it from my Dad actually, if that's not blasphemy to say? Don't want to anger the Hockey Gods, eh?

_ {A tweet with lots of slang references in it} _

Jack struggles to read the slang, mispronounces it really badly, spells out the acronyms etc. He looks very puzzled. (adorable!)

"Hey Tater, can you read this one?!"

{off-camera} "Uh no! I not read, tweet is not polite."

_ All I know is @JackZimmermann has GOT to have the most aMaziNg bussy irl _

IRL? *whispers* what's that?

{Off camera, staff inform him what irl stands for but are waiting now to have to explain what a bussy is.}

"Ha! Thanks! Worked hard to get this!" {he slaps his butt, and the sound reverberates around the studio}

_ You Poutine-powered hunk of Canadian Hockey Skills! The season cannot come around soon enough! The world must be allowed to appreciate those gluteous mounds of yours once again. _

Aww Shitty? Is that you? *waves*

_ I'd give Providence's favourite hockey forward two N's any night of the week _

Errm? Thanks? Yes, my name does have two N's at the end and I do go through phases of correcting people on it. It's important to keep the Jewish heritage alive and not try to homogenise the spelling of names, I think.

_ For Christmas I'd like @JackZimmermann to use his flexible stick to 'Poke Check' my 'back door' - 🎄🎅🎁⛄☃️ _

Euh, okay, are we still in Junior Hockey? {shrugs}

_ @JackZimmerman 🙏 would you please please eat my ass? _

Ha! Well now, my diet plan is very strict you know: protein, light carbs, plenty of water. No ass.

_ Look 👀 @ProvidenceFalcsPR are spoiling us with these thirst shots of the #1 Rear of the Year in a suit! _

_ #GameDaySuit #HockeyThirst #JustTurnAroundNow and #WalkAway @JackZimmermann _

{blushing, he laughs}

Yes, I do have to admit that *all* my trousers have to be tailored.

Hey! Can I give out the name of the tailor I use in Montréal? They're so great!

_ (One that's filthy, written in Quebecois.) Jack employs his gorgeous accent and reads it out suavely and with stresses on the filthiest words. _

{Production staff, off camera: Can you translate that for us, Jack?}

Sorry {smirk} I don't speak French well enough to translate that, but I'll try...

'Jack Z… I want to be the'… Euh, sorry there is no word to translate for that in English. J'suis desolé. {Gallic Shrug}

Jack's proven correct indeed, as the translations used on the GIFs don't quite hold the same power. Sadly they just don't do it justice.

The French-speaking part of HockeyTumblr swoons over the clips.

_ I would let @JackZimmermann spray cheese up my ass and I would be so horny. _

Eugh! Where I come from we don't 'spray' cheese, that's just awful.

_ @JackZimmermann I want to put on my #1 Falcs jersey and then hold you to my heaving bosom and never let you leave. _

"Oh, with the jersey on, eh? Well maybe we can work it out together from there, hmm?"

_ @JackZimmermann you Hockey All-Star you get me so hard. U up? 🍆🍆 _

Jack blushes and goes a bit shy, then signs a cheeky 'call me' before they move on to the next one.

_ From @FloppsyMoppsy21honest: _

_ This puck bunny says @JackZimmermann can fluff my little cottontail whenever he scores a gorgeous goal like that wrister in the second. So filthy! _

Jack gulps, stares off camera and goes blank. Eventually he gives a hockey-robot answer "Haha Thank you for your support"

_ I otterly love otters, and @JackZimmermann is my favourite _

Ha! Well, thank you that's sweet! I'm maybe a bit more of a Bear when it comes to the Play-Offs, but yeah… an Otter - I'll take that, eh?!

_ After that hat-trick that brought the win tonight I want to slam @JackZimmermann against the boards and…. _

_ " _Oh!"

"Well! That's very specific! Thank you? All of this _with_ skates on?""

"Which hat-trick was it…?" (looks at date of tweet) "oh yeah that was the first game this year against the Rangers, it was a tough game for the team but we dug in hard and got the pucks deep and the team got some amazing assists in there and made my job easy that night, eh?"

_ @JackZimmermann could destroy my body and soul and all I would say is, 'Thankyou. So does tomorrow work for you too?' _

Umm thanks? {shakes head}

I worry about some of these people! But also - I have practise tomorrow till at least 11am.

_ Jack Z is all flushed and sweaty in the post-game interviews tonite and WOW! I could just lick him all over… _

Euh, thanks? I mean we do have really good showers at the rink, it's just they want to let the press in right away to talk to us after the game. Or sometimes I'm called on to talk to a reporter in the break between game periods.

You know, we do get a chance at a proper shower before we go home, honest! And there's plenty of hot water, and adjustable showerheads that can either be so powerful… or like a gentle tropical rainshower, it's amazing…

_ @JackZimmermann can take me to his Sin Bin Room any time. Where do I sign up? I got the cuffs and 50 yards of strong chains baby. _

"Euh, no thanks?"

_ @JackZimmermann could utterly rail me if he wore a Civil War soldier's uniform and kept it all on the whole time, please... _

Jack goes off in History Lecture Mode and has to be stopped.

And then a final one where he begins to read the thirst tweet but censors himself, blushes, and instead his answer is off the cuff, said with a besotted smile, "Ha! I don't think my boyfriend is going to agree to _ that _ happening!"

"Well, that brings this torture to an end, this thirsty jar is finally empty! Thank you everyone! Bye!"

(The internet is broken. The comments thread is filled up with excitement over his bf, as well as yet more thirst about showerheads and… things...)

  
**Notes: **

Credit is due to AK and Mansikka for the enabling natter as I wrote this.

In fact, I'm sure a lot of this material is lifted from a wide variety of sources as I've scrolled around Hockeyblr etc… I would credit you all… but I was clearly too busy daydreaming to note sources, eh?

But there were <strike>a few</strike> several Thirst Tweet videos that can be blamed for inspiration, ofc. Specifically those of [Greg Sulkin](https://youtu.be/DsETDctfIS4), [Henry Cavill](https://youtu.be/fHS2cqjijIk), [Taron Egerton](https://youtu.be/bT8QS5sxONw) , and [Richard Madden](https://youtu.be/feFQ6mAPvz8).

Brits are so polite with their answers, bless 'em!

If Thirst tweet fics are suddenly your jam (I hear you) then why not try out this [Spock and Kirk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18323576) fic?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "J'suis desolé" = I'm sorry
> 
> If you'd like to share/promote then you could reblog or retweet this bannered post [@GaribaldiFigRoll on Tumblr](https://garibaldifigroll.tumblr.com/post/188815559995/jack-zimmermann-does-thirst-tweets-thats-it/) or on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RollFig/status/1191467732191121408?s=09/)
> 
> Thanks for all the love on this fic, I've been enjoying the comments thread here 💕  
Podfic version is also available [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677299/) now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further to the above

Hiya! Thought you guys might like to share in some thoughts arising from Zimms' Thirst Tweets vid that was released earlier this month.

Who **else** would record a video?

  
Tater spends the whole video spluttering 'Tweet is NOT polite' :D :D :D (Tater reads Impolite Tweets).

  
Shitty reads Shitty Tweets (and then explains gender bias to the internet).

  
Lardo just uses the thirst tweet jar to demo her beer pong skills.

  
Dex blushes.

  
Bitty just gets recipe requests in his tweets, no thirst just Gluttony. 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Jack Zimmermann does Thirst Tweets (PODFIC)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677299) by [ToughPaperRound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/pseuds/ToughPaperRound)


End file.
